Monday, February 16, 2015

New Move...New Life

It's been a good few months since I last added anything to Beadweaver Dreams.  As I said in my last entry, my world was turned upside down, my heart trampled on and discarded like garbage.  I'm sure there are a few of my readers that have had the unfortunate experience of the devastating emotions of despair, depression among others.  Believe me, I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy.  It puts every emotion, every thought, every feeling you have about everything and everyone into question.  It destroys your energy, devastates your spirit. You spend nights curled in a ball with every inch of you screaming in pain and despair while questions as to why it's happening remain unanswered and you feel exposed and alone wanting to die in the dark.  You curse the sunrise.  You curse happy people.  What seemed like a life that, while there were struggles, you had no doubt that they would be triumphantly overcome because you had that one person beside you that would never abandon you, that you thought and had no doubt at all that they were your unmoveable, faithful rock.   That one person who you thought was your entire being that would never ever think of inflicting the emotional assassination that destroyed your life, your dream and turned it into a nightmare. 

It has taken me months and a renewed relationship with my God to get to the point where I can be somewhat functional and what little energy I have must be spent packing my things and moving from my sweet little apartment with the big window and the glorious phenomenal weather theatre that is my sky.  So with a heavy, broken heart I say goodbye to NYC and hello to NC and my new life.